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Albert Sandy is a student at Westmore Middle School. He often shares absurd thoughts about things that are not plausible in real life.
Albert says that his parents got a 32-inch TV for his room, among many other things.
During the Lock-In, Albert says that he watched a movie where a man escaped prison by digging his way out with a spoon. Desperate to escape the Lock-In, the students try the idea by getting spoons from the cafeteria, but ultimately fail. Greg notes that Albert is once again lying, and that his claim is just a whole bunch of "Hollywood baloney." Later, Greg wants to go to Health class because his source of information is Albert.
Albert is seen at Hardscrabble Farms, telling everyone that Silas Scratch has a network of underground tunnels beneath the cabins at the farm, and he is able to move around quickly. Albert says that Silas Scratch haunts the bathroom as well. This scares the kids and makes them avoid using the bathroom.
Albert talks about an old billionaire who freezes himself to see what life is like in a hundred years. Later, he tells Greg and Rowley that human beings only use 80% of their brains.
On a cold day, Albert tells kids that their spit will freeze before it hits the ground. According to Greg, recess that day was a "nightmare" due to the students testing his theory. Later, he talks about a man who held in his sneeze and blew his head off, and now works at the local Shop-n-Dash. He also says that when someone's pet dies in the winter, they have to wait until the ground thaws in the spring before it can be buried. People in Greg's town use the school cafeteria's walk-in freezer to store their pets for the winter. Greg also mentions that Albert told a story about what happened to a guy who peed in the cold.
Albert tells everyone that the guy survived without his head currently works as a grocery bagger at the local Shop-n-Dash.